On Hipsterdom

(all images courtesy of LATFH)

THE ELUSIVE ANIMAL BECOMING EVER MORE POPULAR IN AMERICAN SOCIETY, ALTHOUGH POPULARITY IS A DIRTY WORD TO THE HIPSTER. 
THE FRINGE-DWELLERS WHO SUSTAIN THEMSELVES WITH ORGANIC FOODS AND VINTAGE CLOTHES.
THE GLAMOROUS HOBOS.






THE BANE AND KING OF FASHION.
THE PABST AND TEA, IRONY AND EARNESTNESS, WORLD CULTURE AND AMERICANA GURUS OF THE MODERN AGE.  Many have studied these young outliers, the people whose goal is to be as distinctly individual as possible (but distinctly the same individual).  Few understand them.

Acceptance within Hipsterdom requires a vast knowledge of art and literature, as long as it isn't contemporary factory-grade drivel pushed out by grotesque cash cow uteri and slopped onto the masses like mystery meat on a cafeteria tray.

It requires the knowledge that you are always right, because you're clearly a better read and more open-minded individual than anyone else you come in contact with, proven by the line of a Sylvia Plath poem tattooed proudly on your inner forearm (or your side).

It also requires a sharp and well-rounded sense of fashion; you must have the eye to pair green plaid with that frumpy argyle jumper your aunt knitted for you last Christmas, then top it off with a Salvador Dali mustache, a pair of leather pants, and hiking boots.  Carry The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka or perhaps a book of French poetry, but take care that the title is clearly visible.  Must be worn with smugness, so that people know you are being ironic instead of moronic.

If you are a man, consider growing a beard.  Everything looks better when your jawline is roughed up by an all-American, trimmed beard.  Don't forget to brush it with natural boar bristles. Can't be too scraggly and all-American.

If you are a woman, wear one of those hippy headband things that make you instantly 100x more attractive, and pair it with an XXXL button-down man's shirt you're pretending is a dress.  Never wear pants unless absolutely necessary.

When ordering a drink at Starbucks, make sure it has soy in it.

 
When looking for new music, screw CDs.  Go for the much more manageable vinyl versions of Fleet Foxes and Ra Ra Riot.  Also buy large vinyls of artists like Jimmy Buffett, and carry them around with the cover visible.  Don't forget that you bought it because it's ironic, not because you're a fan of "Margaritaville" or "Cheeseburger in Paradise".

Above all, constantly search for past trends which have long died, and bring them back.  Things like high-waisted jeans, wooden shoes, and leather chaps are excellent considerations.

Last but not least, remember: you are not a hipster.

by DAIN BROADBENT

&etc Blogmaster, Editor and Creative Co-Director at The Accolade News.

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